What Will We Do This Christmas?

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
Well, it's that time again, time to gird on our festive gear and make fun of Doug. It's a tradition that goes back all the way to last Christmas. Well, all traditions have to start somewhere, after all. The only problem is, I'm not having any ideas. That's why I'm asking for your help. Any ideas, no matter how insane. Actually, the more insane the better:)

For those of you who didn't catch my Christmas post last year, you can find it here. I told the story of Doug Johnston's former life, when he was a mean-spirited Grinch who stole Christmas from the people of Carbonear, Newfoundland, by stealiing their planners, so that they couldn't organize Christmas.

"And as he stood there, his D*I*Y leather shoes frozen stiff in the snow,
He puzzled and puzzled. "How could it be so?"
It came without quadrants.
It came with saws.
It came without templates, agendas or logs."

Eventually, of course, his hipster grew three sizes and he returned all their planners and he even poured the Newfie Screech. Yes he did.

Of course, there are many more stories we can tell about Doug, but I'm blanking on ideas for which Christmas story to use. I'm considered The Twelve Days Of Doug, or possibly the heart-warming story of Scrooge McDoug, but I wanted to ask you all for your input. You wonderfully twisted people come up with some very creative ideas and I'm hoping you can help me. What story should I use? This is your opportunity to be a part of one of the least productive enterprises known to man. Let your voices be heard!

Well, until next week, keep your pen on the page and keep those ideas coming in.
Steve Sharam

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Whoa, don't everybody speak all at once!

Come on, I know somebody'sgot some ideas. Share them with the class. What's your favourite holiday story?

Steve Sharam


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a sound could be heard, not even a mouse. The binders were hung by the printer with care, in hopes that St. Doug soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of paper-pr0n danced in their heads...

Or how about "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"...?


I like it!

Excellent, it works:) Any other ideas?

Steve Sharam

Well, you could go with

Well, you could go with bitter-sweet: The Gift of the Magi. He sells his printer to buy a lavish set of Levenger refills for her Classic, while she sells her Levenger binder to get him, um, printer ink to print DIY forms? So touching....

Or a variant on Rudolph the

Or a variant on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer:

There is Santa Claus all set to take off, when he drops his PDA! Alas, his entire list of who was naughty and nice is now bit salad!

But Christmas is saved, for good old Doug, the chief elf, had cleverly printed the entire list out in hipster format.

Or how about The Hole-Puncher Suite: The wizardy guy presents Clara with a wonderful 7-hole puncher in the guise of a maniken, and her brother, an Outlook fanatic, smashes it out of spite. Then Clara falls asleep under the Christmas tree and the evil rat-king tries to steal her organizer! But Doug, former enchanted as the hole-puncher, comes to life and drives off the rat by viciously punching holes in its ears. The battle won, they journey to the fabulous Land of the Office Supplies, where they are welcomed by the Index Card Fairy. She has her subjects dance for their pleasure: the Dance of the Ring Binders, the Dance of the Sheet Protectors, the Dance of the Telescoping Pens, the Dance of Copier Attendants, and so forth.

Finally Clara returns home, with her organized freshly stuffed with D*I*Y forms.

Don't you love a happy ending?


Well, I asked:) Wow, those were greet suggestions everyone. I had no idea that there was so much warped creativity among the readership:P You've given me lots to think about. Any more suggestions?

Steve Sharam

One eyebrow raised

Uh, I know I'm joining this discussion late, but...wow. That's pretty darn detailed; I don't know if I could write a parody that good.


I love Ralphie in "A Christmas Story." YOU'LL PUT YOUR EYE OUT!!!!!!

Perhaps how would National

Perhaps how would National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation been different if Doug Griswold had only been using the project planning templates in his Hipster?

Hmmmm...those lights were very D*I*Y, eh?

*shuders* oh the humanity

*giggles* oh wow... talk about the strong visual imagery. this one would totally be a laughable humor movie. i can see a marching order and a lot more unhappy faces as the kids are ushered through a series of scheduled events and moments designed to capture every special moment that can be created... all done in 24 hours!



Goodness, I had no idea you people were so creative and so wonderfully warped:) Any other ideas?

Steve Sharam

run over by a reindeer?

what about my DIY Planner got run over by a reindeer?

just popped into my head after reading Steve's latest reply. :)


Or another tune from the same band


We could also go with another tune from the same folks who brought you 'run over by a reindeer'..

I'm sure if we worked at it, we could come up with lyrics to echo "rusty chevrolet".

Oh, rust and smoke
the heater's broke
the door just blew away
I light a match
to see the dash
and then I start to pray..
The frame is bent
the muffler went
the radio, it's OK
Oh what fun it is to drive
this rusty chevrolet!

What was the name of that band anyway? Can't remember. Were they from Canada or Michigan?


Da Yoopers

Ah, found them.

The band is "Da Yoopers" and they're from Ishpeming, Michigan (in the upper penninsula, or UP, pronounced "Yoo Pee" but slurred as "Yoop").

They're still releasing new stuff. Their lyrics are all up on the website, www.dayoopers.com

More than anyone else wanted to know, I'm sure.



Sounds strange

I remember Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer very well, though it left it's mark on me. I still have an unnatural fear of hooven animals and fruitcake. Well, to be fair, fruitcake always scared me.

Steve Sharam


OK, here's a start..

You know Franklin, DayRunner, DayTimer, and Covey
Buzan, you know him and others, a bevy.
But do you recall the most famous planner of all?
Douglas, the DIY Planner
had a very slick card stack
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say, "That's Whacked!"
All of the other planners
Used to drool when he walked by,
That's when he posted his templates
So all could print their own DIY!

OK, it's weak at the end..maybe someone else can pick it up and tighten it. :)


LIttle help anyone?

Ha ha, that's excelelnt:) Can anyone help out?

Steve Sharam

12 Posts of Christmas

I've always liked the slightly-warped versions of the '12 Days of Christmas' which turn up every so often.

One of my favourites is in the form of thank you letters for the gifts. The letters show the person receiving the gifts becoming slightly more hysterical with each reply.

So, in that vein, what about the "12 Posts of Christmas" and Doug attempting to answer them?

I'm sure that we can think of 12 outrageous things that could be posted here.
eg. - a request to rename the 'Hipster' for 'squares who don't want to be hip',
- posts about things-that-go-on-feet,
- using jelly/jello as ink on templates,

I like it!

Sweet. What are some more of the twelve thigns? Any ideas anyone?

Steve Sharam


12 dividers dividing...

and a hipster in my back pocket ?

(santa smiley with hat and beard)

A little more

Here's the last verse:

On the twelfth DIY of Christmas my true Doug sent to me
Twelve NaNoWriMos
Eleven forms a-printing
Ten files downloading
Nine tabs dividing
Eight folders filing
Seven pens a-writing
Six punches punching
Five hinge-snap rings
Four quadrant sheets
Three templates
Two jumbo clips
And a pear-wood inbox tray

Ha ha

You people are going to put me out of a job:P

Steve Sharam

you asked for it!

Well, Steve...

You DID ask for input. :)
and input you got!


Me and my big mouth

True that my dear, true that:P

Steve Sharam