The Joy Of Holiday Retail Work

Greetings all, Steve here. Today I'm going to talk briefly about retail sales. I realize I covered this in an earlier post, but it's Christmas-time now and Christmas sales is a whole different kettle of horses. Lets just put it this way: You know how after a couple hours in the mall you're annoyed at the ridiculous numbers of shoppers, irritated at the awful Christmas music and just about ready to kill people? Well, retail staff are there all the time. Allow me to relate a short true tale which illustrates the point.

Just for the holiday shopping season, I'm selling consumer electronics, iPods, cell phones, that kind of stuff. It's not a bad gig, all things considered, but like any job dealing with the public, it has its moments. My particular store smells like skunk, because a family of skunks used to live under the store, and there are two, not one, two radio systems blaring competing kinds of bad Christmas music, both apparently produced by terrorists. In one end of the store you can hear the Spastic Christmas Choir Of Calmwood Mental Hospital singing the Christmas classics, while in the other end of the store, you can hear all your favorite holiday classics massacred by The American Society For The Elimination Of Taste. If you stand right in the middle of the store, you can actually hear both at the same time. It's nice.

I had a gentleman come into the store a few days ago and I asked him if I could help him find something. He said:

"I don't know. What do you have for me?"

"Um, we have lots of things. What are you looking for?

"Not sure. Everything here is junk and I don't want any of it. What should I buy?"


"That was a joke."

"Oh, right."

Dashing through the snow…

"How about a new phone?"


"An MP3 player?"

"Of course not."

"Uh, a new computer?"

"I have one at home that's 25 years old that works better than that."

We wish you a merry Christmas…

"They don't make anything good anymore."

"Um, I suppose."

"That was a joke."

"Oh. Right."

Feliz Navidad

"How about a high speed modem?"

"What would I ever do with that?"

"Ha ha."

"I wasn't joking."

We Wish you a Merry CHRISTMAS!!

"Oh, sorry."

"I fell off a roof once."

"No kidding?"

"But I’m o.k. now."

"That's the main thing."

"I'm leaving. Everything here is junk."

"Fair enough."

"That was a joke."

Good tidings we bring to you and your kin…

Be kind to your friends in the retail business. It's uphill work.

Steve Sharam

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ROFL (?)

Oh Steve, I don't know if I want to laugh or cry at your story!



I have the exact same feeling every single day:P

Steve Sharam

My hovercraft is full of eels.


Please fondle my ...

I was wondering if anybody would catch that:P

Steve Sharam

I am no longer infected.

I think I have the script here somewhere...

Google is your friend:
The script
The video - missing the courtroom

:P Brilliant

I am no longer infected.
That was a joke:)

Steve Sharam