Sigh...Back To Work

Work Horror Stories
Hi all, Steve here. This is gonna be a short one, 'cause I’m starting a new job today. It's not a job I'm all that excited about. It's actually a job I've done before. It's a job that I can't entirely believe I'm doing again. Let me put that another way, give you some perspective. If someone said I could get paid to rub sandpaper on my eyeballs, I'd be there in a second. It's just not very stimulating. Or interesting. Or well paying. Last time I did this job, the only way I was able to get myself out of bed to go to work was to have my girlfriend smash me in the face with a 5-pound barbell.

Although, my mother always taught me to find something good in every situation. On further reflection, however, the best thing I can say about this job is that it's temporary. Then again, I bet everybody has tales of woe at work.

This got me to wondering what terrible tales the readers of this website have about work and whether, if I asked them to share them, it would count as having written a post. I think it would.

Have a story about an unfortunate occurrence at work, a tiresome co-worker, a bad boss or an all-around terrible job? Is it funny? Then share it with the class and possibly win a car. I should note for legal reasons that if you win a car it will be a complete coincidence and have nothing at all to do with this website, but share your stories anyway. I should also suggest that people don't use specific names of companies, people or other identifying information so that nobody gets sued or fired. Please refrain from excessive swearing, complaining about the Masons or death threats. Rambling disconnected rants are just fine.

Until next time keep your pen on the page. That's all I have this week, just the pen on the page. Deal.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

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I used to work reception in

I used to work reception in a welfare office. So we were between the clients and the case workers. And the clerical supervisors were awful, so we were taking it from both ends.
I also used to work for Sony as a game tester. That was an awesome job, although the 13 hour graveyard shift for three weeks without a day off (including weekends) was a bit of an endurance test. Especially since the game sucked. Two guys on that shift went on anti-anxiety medication...

That's a job?

Wow, that could be alright, but not if you're playing Donky Kong Goes Somewhere Lame:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

I love the photo

with this entry. You picked my job! I'm an archaeologist although I have to say, I have never had the good fortune to work with anyone who looks like Indie. It's a small community so I'm not going to contribute to the complaint department because, for the most part, I like my job.

Unfortunately

I thought about being an archaeologist, but I decided I didn't have the mentality for it. It turns out they won't let you use dynamite:(

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

But I have been using a backhoe

this season. That's fun too. Not as good as dynamite though.

Nothing is

as fun as dynamite:D

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Silent Stripper

When I was a teenager, I worked for a very small furniture company that made reproductions of shaker furniture. I sanded and stripped both old and new furniture. I worked with a couple other teenagers. We stood next to each other all day scraping away at chairs, tables, shelves, etc... However, we were not allowed to talk to each other. Our rather avaricious believed we were less productive when we chatted. Rubbing sandpaper on a chair leg was more intellectual than you would guess! To give you another example of how truly evil this man was - he sent divorce papers completely unannounced to his then wife on Valentine's Day.

Ouch, that's cold

Wow, that's bad. Not a real romantic I guess:P I've done a few boring jobs and it's true that almost anything can be intellectual if you're bored enough. As long as you're not using heavy machinery. We don't want that archaeologist letting her mind wander when using her backhoe!

Anybody else? Come on folks, other people must have humorous horror stories!:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Okay, I have some bad ones.

Okay, I have some bad ones. I'll share one.

My last full time job was horrid. Gawdawful. One of those places where if you are good at what you do, they keep throwing more and more at you until you can't do it, and then they can say, "see, we knew you were no good." I wanted to quit, but refused. After 5 years there (average turnover was 12 months), I knew the end was near. I was up to 80+ hours a week (on salary, and not that good of salary), and couldn't even begin to catch up with everything on my desk, 80% of which had nothing whatsoever to do with my actual job description. The week I was finally let go I sat one afternoon in my cube, just outside the office of one of the department heads, and listened to three people I was more or less reporting to discuss what to do with my work after I'd been fired. :-) I just sat there, listening to them, trying to decide whether or not I should tell them I could HEAR them. In the end I just kept quiet, and waited for them to break the news to me on Friday. I think I managed not to whoop for joy when they informed me they were terminating my employment, and I've never been so happy to see the end of a job before or since.

OffLead Blog - Dogs and other of life's joys.

Wow, that is bad

That's nasty. I got fired from a job that I hated once and I wasn't so much mad about being fired as annoyed that they fired me before I got organized to quit indignantly.

They say the C students run the world and the A students work for them. The B students are apparently all busy with community affairs and the the D students have all joined the ranks of the Darwin awards, or so one might assume:P

Anybody else?

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Putting the "dread" back into "weekday"

The department I work in used to be uniformly cheerful, and the faculty all arrived early so that we could talk for a few minutes to someone who understood English, rather than parroted back phrasebook sentences.

That changed this semester when he got hired. Anyone who ignores the endless old-man stories (repeated verbatim 3 times each hour, even after he acknowledges hearing you say you've heard this one before) is a "bitch" or "stuck up" and not friendly, the way teachers were back in the day. Of course, friendly people don't speak either, only listen, because he's been around the block a few times, and he's learned a thing or two, things these goddamned kids would do well to listen to, and we all look stupid because we don't sit down and have meetings to plan, the way his father taught him to when he was eight years old. Then, at the meetings, he only talks about what he'd like to do with the young women in the office.

If I could figure out a way to pin the murder on that kid that sits in the front row with his iPod going loud enough for me to sing along with...

Yeesh

Wow, feel the love. Back in the day we wouldn't have complained about our coworkers online, we'd just send them to the salt mines, the way my father taught me, ooo, what's her name?!

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Long ago but stil memorable

During one interlude between colleges, I worked for a concrete crew. Not the sexy glamorous brick laying concrete side of the crew, but the "dig the ditch the gets filled concrete to make a foundation" side of the crew, the "Once the walls are up, fill them concrete and oh by the way, if the walls spring a leak, grab a sheet of ply wood and hammer it onto the wall, then grab a shovel to scoop up the spilled concrete, and when whatever is left over, break it up with a jack hammer after it dries". all of this in Southwest Florida so its 90 degrees and 85% humidity.

More than a few days I literally wrung sweat out of my shirts. And I wonder why the women folk weren't lined up to smothering me with kisses.

I did that

Well, sort of. My construction job wasn't that bad, but it was hot. I stood all day holding up the stop/slow sign, with people yelling at me, "Are you slow?!!" Don't say that one guys. They've heard that before. At least they got rid of "Slow Men Working":)

Pyramidiology: What you get when you mix pyramids and idiots.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Hmmmm

Kind of reminds me of my archaeology project this summer. Except we don't use jackhammers. I have to admit, there were a couple of days driving home that I wondered what smelled bad in the car and realized it was me. lol

Oh come on

Nobody else has a crazy story from work? I simply don't believe that that many people have good jobs. Come on, share it with the rest of us:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

hehe

I couldnt possibly mention a woman I worked with who did not know how to use a RULER! It would be in bad taste... hehehhe.

or the fact she talked about all she had to do and never actually did anything... lol.

my artwork | my blog

A ruler? Ha ha haaaaaa!

No, you certainly wouldn't want to mention that. Likewise, I wouldn't want to mention all the blithering idiots I've worked with. (not that everybody I've worked with has been a blithering idiot, but there have been a few:P).

Anybody else have anything they shouldn't mention?

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

I'm saving my blithering idiot stories

Steve, remember to pace yourself. Do horrible jobs one post, then do blithering idiots the next post, and then pointy hair bosses after that. Otherwise you have to be all creative and original and stuff.

Heck, if you do it right, you can do jobs that are horrible because of blithering idiots, then jobs that are horrible because of pointy hair bosses, then blithering idiots that become pointy air bosses. That's like 6 articles right there!

I should get a moleskine for this. Except this isn't my horrible job, Steve isn't a blithering idiot nor is he a pointy hair boss.

I still want a moleskine though.

O.k., o.k...

Alright, I'll write a real article next week!:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Two things for you, Steve.

1) The most boring job I ever had was formatting documents for the Navy. (I wasn't in the Navy, I worked for a support facility.) I made sure that all the torpedo manuals had 1" margins and all tabs were .5" apart and all bullet-points were font size 8. It was horrid, really horrid. I quit after two months. The working conditions sucked, too -- hospital green, windowless rooms and armed guards everywhere. (And the place was located in the middle of gang territory -- the surveillance camera used to record drug and gun deals going on across the street, and the company passed the tapes on to the police. Scary.)

2) I had a boss who was the female version of the one in Dilbert. She'd been a cheerleader in high school and college and really was the stereotype of a bubble-headed blonde. In her attempts to be professional, she would say words wrong or use words incorrectly. If she had been a nice person, we wouldn't have thought much about it. But she was a vindictive backstabber, so we employees always had a great laugh over her verbal stumbles. Like "carsht blanc" for "carte blanche", and "paragon" instead of "paradigm." She could mispronounce any buzz word on the planet. It was hysterical, especially when she did it in presentations for senior management...

--
Steff
[ blog | photos ]

Heh!

That's awesome! Well, you've gotta guard the bullet-points.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Just to share my pain...

I would just like to state at this point, that if you're in a store, and all the staff are dressed to leave, and the music's off, and the lights are off, and everybody looks angry...please don't browse for 20 minutes AND THEN NOT BUY ANYTHING!!! Thank you:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

oh hun

{huggles} oh i remember those ... and the people that would trash everything and not buy anything... just pick up something and carry it around and set it where it didn't belong...

you poor dear... be sure to buy some ice cream <3

my artwork | my blog

wine store woes.

i know this...

my boss is a Nutter, from this point on he will be known as "the Nutter".

true story. the wine shop uses an antiqued cash register were you punch in the number and then the machine looks up the price. now if you have 100 items that is not so bad, but when you have 1200 different wines and spirits that is a problem. further there is NO method to how the numbers match the wines. so one wine that costs $6.95 could be number 437 and another that cost $56.95 could be item number 473 or 438.

so when i started i made a mistake and typed in the number wrong, not having yet memorized this item's price i didnt know that it went out for $20 too much.

well the next day i was welcomed by the Nutter with screaming and frothing at the mouth. He was berating me as if I were a child.

At the time i was so shocked that i had nothing to say. But the next morning i told him that if he ever did that again i would be very cross, and that it was not to his benefit to find out what happens when i become cross. I was very calm and almost polite when I said it, but i let him know i was dead serious.
I further told him, that the mistake would not have happened if he used a system that was not so old and useless (though not in those words). I reminded him that he would be remiss to replace me with someone who is as capable and as committed to wine as I, so it would be to his benefit to treat me with respect.

my co-worker, who I fear is not as shameless as i, still suffers his Nuttetry.

this is my current job. so i can not tell you ALL the goodies.

---
Levenger stole ALL of my money, but they left me all these nice, shiny organizational tools.

Booya!

Then he looked at me slowly and told me that there was no place for loose canons on his force.

Bullies are cowards, always:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

yep

they are. always.

it's funny, as with all bullies once i stood up for myself, the change was basically instant. he behaves (largely) like an adult now. :)

---
Levenger stole ALL of my money, but they left me all these nice, shiny organizational tools.

It's so simple

You may be onto something there. If only we could get retail customers to act like adults we'd be all set:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

:) :) :) ROTFLMAO there is a

:) :) :) ROTFLMAO

there is a VERY fun blog called customers suck. very funny. and educational. i feel like a much better customer now knowing why they (we) suck.

---
Levenger stole ALL of my money, but they left me all these nice, shiny organizational tools.

Eeeeeeeeexcellent...

Rofl, and so on:D Thanks for the heads up:)

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

yes, yes, here are just a few...

There are always worse jobs...

always....

while in first year university I worked at an electrolysis clinic...part of my duties included waxing men's backs.

GAH!

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ah.

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Ewww!

I'm so sorry. You must be scarred for life...

- Jen

Jobs

OK here goes.

I was a caddy. Not like those guys who tote one bag for a pro golfer. We carried two bags and ran all over the course when golfers sprayed their shots. And we did this 36 holes a day.

I moved pianos. Nothing like getting an upright goliath of an instrument to a third-floor walk up. And when we didn't have deliveries, we got to strip and refinish rental pianos in a less than well-ventilated area.

I worked in the meat dept. of a grocery store, which was one of the dirtiest, smelliest jobs I've ever had...and I'm not a vegetarian, yet.

Now, I'm in the corporate world, but enough said about that.

Wow, that's terrible

Wow, that's terrible. That's the worst series of jobs I've ever heard of. My goodness. The corporate world... just terrible:(

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com

Twinkie the Kid

When I was in my teens I was asked to be "Twinkie the Kid" and hand out free Twinkies at the local Acme. I remember the head/mask was big and really hard to see out of and I tripped over something and fell losing my head... I hurried to put it back on so I wouldn't disappoint any little kids who thought Twinkie really did exist...LOL

Proof: http://ButterflySis.smugmug.com/photos/217393520-L.jpg

My first job was at a department store so I can related to the above comments. I too hated when people would linger around the store after you had announced its closing three times. I especially hated having to stay late after closing to "straighten" and having to go in really early (earlier than store opening) on those special days like the day after Thanksgiving. Ugh! I HATED working there. I felt trapped there and would show up late (30-45 minutes) and would pray they would fire me. They never did. I eventually went to work at a high school. Kids are rude. Not all of them...but enough of them that made me remember why I don't want kids!

Now I work at a college extension office that sponsors the non-profit I actually work for. Though I often grumble it's not over anything truly horrible. For the most part I enjoy my job and the people that I work with....and that I don't have to turn in an empty pen to order a new one. :-)

- Jen

Awesome:)

That's an excellent picture:) I worked as a clown on the side of the highway for a flower shop, so I can relate. It was the hottest Summer since the Sun was created and I spent as much time in the Flower cooler as on the street. My girlfriend thinks I don't like to give flowers, but I still can't look at a dozen roses without shivering:P

Steve Sharam
www.whenrealityknocks.com