The Monkeys Are Hard At Work

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To begin with: I'm afraid I have a couple of appologies to make, which are related. The first is that this article is very late in being published and the second is that I did accidentally publish an unfinished article on Thursday night that contained a somewhat offensive comment about the work of the D*I*Y Planner Ver. 3 Team. It was meant to be a joke between me and Doug which, to people not in on the joke, looked like a bad word. I often include little jokes to Doug in my articles, which we both enjoy. Well, I enjoy them and Doug threatens to disembowel me with an olive fork. I'm embarassed that I accidentally published that unfinished article, but it was a weekend of boneheaded moves, due to being very sick. In the same two day period, I accidentally published an offensive comment on this site, spilled Pepsi on my computer, broke the VCR, knocked a number of things off of shelves, ran into my girlfriend several times and almost fell off of a mine sweeper. And I'm not joking. Yessir, it was quite a cold. It's starting to clear up now, but I was getting ready to amputate my face.

Doug says I may have offended some members of the Ver. 3 Team, but that was not my intention. The only person on the D*I*Y Team who I make fun of for no reason is Sacha. The team has been putting in a rediculous amount of work and I've been destroying appliances, so you can tell who's been doing the real work around here. Onward. What a conniption fit there has been in my Inbox lately, I can't even tell you. Doug Johnston, our chief template wrangler, efficiency fanatic and, although I didn't know it till lately, total maniac, has been designing his fingers to the bone cranking out the next version of the D*I*Y Planner (sound of drooling across the internet-careful, it's electric). In an effort to illicit as much help as possible from the dedicated and slightly mad D*I*YPlanner crew, Doug, our chief monkey (let's call him The Ape) asked for help from specific people from the D*I*Y Planner community (let's call them The Monkeys) with getting the new version ready for release and for some reason, I'm on the team. The Ape and The Monkeys have been working very hard to turn out a really amazing new product... except for me. I haven't been doing anything except occasionally offering the odd purient comment. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing on this team. Doug asked a number of us and a number of others volunteered, but he said he wanted to ask the people he felt were best equipped to help him design the new planner...and he asked me. I must say, this baffles me. I guess this is proof that either Doug has never read my articles, or that he's so sleep deprived from trying to get the planner done that he'd cheerfully trade his infant son to gypsies for two recharable batteries and a Big Mac.

See, the thing is, on these teams, it's good to have different kinds of people: idea people, execution people, technical people, image people, etc., but I think I may be a bit too much of an idea person. Considering the level of technical finnickering necessary to get a whole planner together, I can't imagine what I'm supposed to be doing. I am, emphatically, not a detail person. I walked into an office bulding in downtown Vancouver the other and had to ask the security guard where the Pendulum Gallery was. He looked at me like I'd been doing sit-ups under a car and pointed to a 6 story steal pendulum swinging in a huge arc in the lobby. Nobody could possibly miss this. Nobody except me. Yuppers, on fire again.

So, needless to say, I'm a little at sea among all the extreme detail work being done by The Monkeys. Now, I'm sure the first thing everybody wants to know is, what new improvements have been made in Ver. 3. It's going to be quite the thing. Wow, it's really going to be good. I'm sure everybody really wants to know. Yup, definately. Ha ha, I know what's in the new planner and you don't, na na na na na! Sorry, that was mean. I'll tell you what: I promised Doug that I wouldn't reveal any of the the new templates or systems from Ver. 3, but I'll give you all a quick sneak peak right now.

One of the biggest advances in Ver. 3 is it's focus on health and wellness, such as the all important Soluble Fiber Intake Tracker. Here's a helpful hint: In extreme situations, eat the planner.

The core of Ver. 3, like the previous releases, is of course organisation and in Ver. 3 The Ape has created no less than 57 different kinds of Day Keepers and 17 different types of Monthly Planners, though I wouldn't recommend trying to use them all. In testing, several Monkeys attempted to use all these templates at the same time and subsequently had to be hospitalized.

One of my suggestions, which occured to me shortly after moving to Vancouver: A template to track when you last saw the sun. Around here you'd probably only need one page. Why won't the sun come back? Why?! Sorry,'s my problem, I'll deal with it.

One new innovation for the procrastinators among us is the Planning To Plan For Goal Planning template. Why plan for tomorrow today what you can plan to plan for tomorrow tomorrow?

In an effort to make the planner not only practical but realistic, The Ape has added to the Jobs and Contacts templates a Want/Don't Want category, so that you can keep track of people and jobs you'll merely tolerate and those you actually want to be involved with.

In this same vein, The Ape has created the Affair Template, where you can keep track of everything necessary to have an affair, such as phone numbers, dates, times and locations of cheap motels. Of course if you want to have more than one affair, you simply need to print off another page. Relationships is what we're all about people.

The Ape has created a hybrid Notes template, which The Monkeys are calling The Dork. If you're in a meeting and sitting next to someone with a sense of humour, simply utilize The Dork by drawing a big arrow towards the biggest dork in the room. The other person can respond by drawing a big happy face on their planner.

Well, that's all I can give you for the moment, but stay tuned and The Ape and The Monkeys will have Ver. 3 humming off your printers in no time at all. Once Doug gets his son back from the gypsies that is.

Steve Sharam

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"...he'd cheerfully trade

"...he'd cheerfully trade his infant son to gypsies for two recharable batteries and a Big Mac."

I don't think so...


Better keep an eye on him

Guys are unreliable that way. I once traded a puppy dog for a video gum and a slightly used gummy bear:(

Steve Sharam