5 Things I Can't Do Without: My D*I*Y Desert Island Kit

My picture nameGreetings all. Well, I am excited by this assignment. When Doug asked me to write an article on the five organizational things I couldn't do without on a desert island, I responded: "Not now, I'm being indicted for impersonating an Elvis impersonator." But once I got that cleared up, I got very excited, because I enjoy difficult and ultimately meaningless challenges.

I'm not saying it's completely pointless, but let's face it: If you're stuck on a desert island, you're organizational priorities are going to change. So clearly some creativity is necessary here. With that in mind, here is my list:

The D*I*Y Planner Treasure Map Template
Goat Repellant
My Girlfriend Meghan
My Teddy Bear, Captain Nedashav
Chocholate Chip Cookies

The D*I*Y Planner Treasure Map Template:

Admittedly, this one never occured to me during the recent Version 3 Revision Conniption, so I've had to work my usual Photoshop magic on the Storyboard Template (the aging process was just to give it that treasure mappy feeling). If there's any chance that I'm going to be stuck on an island with buried treasure, it seems that it would be a very efficient use of time to track it down. The important thing to remember about D*I*Y treasure hunting is to watch out for the people from the other half of the plane with the sordid, disconcerting past lives. No, wait... that's the important thing to remember in the TV show Lost. Hmm, tricky...

My picture nameGoat Repellant

Just developed by a research team at the Department Of Useless Crap, Goat Repellant is a new product that will, well, repel goats, by spraying the smell of tiger feces all over you. Yes, yes, that should repel goats... and likely everything, and everone, else. Actually, using this might be a good way to get sent to a desert island. This seems like a sure winner, something that would be key to efficient productivity on a desert island, because, let's face it, you're just not going to get anything done is you're being eaten by a goat. Nuf said.

My picture nameMy Girlfriend Meghan

Now, it might seem that I chose NutMeg because I would want companionship on a desert island, but actually she's the key to my efficiency. Meg reminds me to do almost everything, from paying bills to wearing pants. I'm not saying I couldn't get along without her, but it would be difficult, on many levels. "Steve, you forgot to spray down the kitchen tree with goat repellant and a goat ate all of our cheese!" Not a pretty picture.

My picture nameMy Teddy Bear, Captain Nedashav

Pronounced Need-A-Shave, the Captain is my constant companion and friend during hard times. An older gentleman of my aquaintance once told me that if someone gives you a stuffed animal (which Meghan did with this one nearly a decade ago) you should get very quiet and then ask the stuffed animal what its name is, and wait for it to respond. In this case the bear told me that his name was Captain Nedashav: he's hairy, so he needs a shave... get it? He's a Russian Submarine Commander (he can be seen marching above). Although he was trained as an old school Communist, strictly speaking, he's more of a socialist. He reminds me not to take my organizational ambitions too seriously, to put people before profit. That's important, on the mainland and on an desert island. Except that there probably wouldn't be any other people, uh, on the island. Um... yeah.

My picture nameChocholate Chip Cookies

I find chocholate chip cookies are essential for proper productivity. Besides their obvious nutritional value, any time a project is behind schedule or otherwise not going well, a cookie or two helps me to put things in focus. I'm currently on an all-cookie diet.

So, until next time, keep your pen on the page and your island preparation kit close to hand.

Steve Sharam

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Treasure Map Template...

How about a pen and

How about a pen and moleskine....a good swiss army pocket knife or machette (Ray Mears would be proud of me)...and Mom's chocolate cake...

Mom never made chocholate cake

To my memory, Mom never made chocholate cake, but she does make a mean corn bread. I just thought I should share that.

Steve Sharam