Organizational Divination

How To Be OrganizedSteve here. Welcome to another edition of How to Be Organized. Today's topic: Organizational Divination.

Organizational divination is a cutting-edge technique I have just invented for retieving lost documents. Organizational Divination works only with the category pile system (CPS) discussed in a previous post, gratutitously linked here. CPS works on the general principle that as long as you're going to leave important papers laying around in disorganised piles, you might as well do so in generally categorized piles, such as deal with now, deal with soon, keep around in case of toilet paper shortage, etc. Organizational Divination works on the principle that, as long as you're using CPS, you might as well be flamboyant.

Organizational Divination is similar to many other types of well-established, well-understood types of divination. These include: padomancy, or reading the soles of someone's feet; palmistry, or reading one's palm; and phrenology, or reading the bumps on one's head. I understand there's even a man in the UK who reads women's breasts. In a monumental display of selflessness, he does this free of charge.

Tragically, that is not part of Organizational Divination. What it does involve, however, is reading the bumps, ripples and crevices on piles of papers in an attempt to divine the location of any particular document. This may sound half-assed, but it's actually a huge improvement over my old favourite method of finding important documents, which was to roam aimlesly around the place, whispering 'here important document, HERE important document,' hoping to sneak up on the document before it got away, much like taking a cat to the vet.

As I'm sure Dad would mention at this point, it's critical to maintain mythological authenticity, so I might suggest dressing up in a robe with a huge pointy hat, because, honestly, if you've gone this far with taking my advice, you're likely to do just about anything. Approach the pile you believe is most likely to contain the document in question and touch the sides of pile, examining its many bumps and grooves, and await inspiration. Apparently the Greek Delphic Oracle used to become intoxicated on sulphur fumes rising up beneath her chair, so, once again in the interest of mythological accuracy, you might want to do this drunk. Actally, if you've gotten this far, you've probably already assumed that this is the best way to go.

While examining the pile, meditate on the phrase "the Master's hand is soft in its touch, but deep in its meaning" for ten minutes. Remind yourself that this phrase is supposed to be a lot less dirty than it sounds. After ten minutes, call your boss and explain that you've done the best you can. If you're self-employed, take yourself out for ice cream and break it to yourself slowly.

Well, that's all I can do for you this week. Until next time, keep your pen on the page and your divination practical.

Steve Sharam

Syndicate content