Humour

Paper Based Planning Is Very Logical

SpockPlease note: Unfortunately Steve will unable to bring his normal insightful wit to this space today, due to an unfortunate mishap. Steve was supposed to have a funny column about personality type to correspond with his Dad's Wednesday column on Introversion and Extroversion, but he has just finished his studies at art school and, after learning what his monthly student loan payments will be and what his job prospects with an art school degree actually are, he was found wimpering softly in a closet, holding his teddy bear and muttering incoherently about the Hundred Years War. In his place, we bring you, at great expense and logistical difficulty, Mr. Olin Schluctmeyer, Founder and President of the South-East Nebraska Mr. Spock Appreciation Society, here to talk about how to approach paper-based planning in a logical, Vulcan manner. Take it away, Olin.

Hasn't Been Your Year? The D*I*Y Guide To Faking Your Own Death

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Greetings, Steve here, wishing everyone a Happy New Year! This doesn't just seem like idle talk, as, so far in 2006, we haven't had a single hurricane, tidal wave, new wars, or new explosions of ethnic violence. Yes sir, so far, 2006 has turned out pretty well.

Neverthless, The new year is a time not only for celebration, but also for reflection. Reflection comes in many kinds. For example, there is the reflection of the person who looks like they were kicked in the head by a mule looking back at you in the mirror on New Year's Day. But there is also the kind of reflection where you think back over the past year and decide whether you should do something different, make some changes, truly dedicate yourself to being a better and more complete person. Sometimes, though, it's just been such a rotten year that you'd just like to hang it all and start all over again. To this end, we present: The D*I*Y Guide To Faking Your Own Death.

How Doug Stole Christmas

Doug as Grinch


Image courtesy Brad Reid (www.bradreid.com).

Greetings all and welcome to the Christmas edition of Steve's Paper-Based Column Of Insanity. Yes, that's right, only one name this week. I'm so excited about today's column that I'm not going to waste time coming up with other silly names. This is the column that I believe can make it into the top ten, so be sure and tell your friends. This week we have that classic tale of Christmas mischief and Christmas spirit, the story of how Douglas Johnston (who has since seen the light and now runs this site) tried to stop Christmas from coming to Carbonear, Newfoundland by taking everyone's D*I*Y Planners so that no one knew who to give presents to (everybody get that? Good:). This is the tale of how Doug tried to steal Christmas from the Newfs (including the heartbeat of every Newf celebration, that famous alcoholic invention, Newfie Screech) and eventually saw the true meaning of Christmas. Prepare to have your hearts warmed and your planners swiped, as we present

How Doug Stole Christmas (With all apologies to the late Dr. Seuss.)

Santa's Hipster PDA

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Greetings and welcome once again to Steve's column of Paper Based Something or Other. Whatever. I'm feeling too festive to care. Everywhere I go, people are putting on festive outfits, putting up festive decorations and freezing their festive butts off. Well, this is Canada, after all. We had a very mild November around here, but the temperature has dropped dramatically in the last week or so. I'm not sure why scientists feel like they have to send probes to see what it's like on the dark side of the moon. All they need to do is come to Canada in February, when it's -40 C around here. Actually, it could be worse: my old roommate was from Saskatchawen, a very flat province, where the wind has about 500 miles to build up speed and the temperature sometimes drops to -60 C. -60! At -60 your teeth freeze. Your teeth! That's cold. If NASA wants a challenge, they should try to set up a base in Saskatchewan. I'd give them two weeks.

Anyway, I'm a little off-track here, but that's just because my brain's cold. Today's topic is Santa's Hipster PDA.

Intuition Is A Danger To Our Way Of Life

Intition Dangerous
Greetings and welcome once again to Steve's Paper-Based Planning Column Of Joy...I think. Uh, yeah, I think that's what it's called these days. Hard to say. It changes a lot. No, no, wait, it's Steve's Paper-Based Column Of Planning For Paper-Based, uh, something...no, wait, that's not it either. Um, hmmm, let me see... Ah, I've got it. Steve's Irreverent Paper-Based Column Of Vole Control... ah, bugger. That's wrong too. This could take a while. I'll come back to it.

Today's column is about preparedness, being ready for an emergency. Now, the key to being ready for an emergency is to try and figure out what kind of emergency you might be faced with. The consequences of failing to plan for emergencies can be quite serious, as we have seen again and again this year with disasters such as Hurricane Katrina and the war in Iraq and this got me to thinking: Am I prepared? Am I prepared to deal with the most likely threat to my person, to protect myself from the dangers I am most likely to face? Am I prepared to deal with the ongoing, never-ending disaster of my intuition?

The Voles Of Wrath

Vole (from Wikipedia)Greetings all and welcome once again to Steve's Weekly Column Of Paper-Based Planning and Electrical Safety. As I'm sure is obvious to anyone who reads this column on a regular basis, I pride myself on being clear, cogent and well-organised, but I'm afraid Doug's right. I was a little unclear last night when I phoned him up to tell him that my column wouldn't be ready. I thought that I had given him a fairly complete picture of the situation, but in fact, as I look back on it, due to the anxiety of the situation, it probably came out something like:

"Voles, no power. Smoke, firemen, no column. Smoke voles!!"

Steve's D*I*Y Enemies List

My picture nameGreetings and welcome once again to Steve's Online Workshop for Do It Yourself Paranoia Organisation, formerly Steve's Paper-Based Planning Column Of Joy, formerly Steve's Paper-Based Planning Column of Insanity, formerly Steve's Guide To Dunking A Basketball While Operating A Food Processor, formerly Steve's Guide to Playing A Guitar In The Dark With Your Face, formerly... ah, what the hell, who cares?

Sorry, I'm kinda tired. My doctor finally figured out what was wrong with me (see my Hypocondriac's Disease Checklist) and although it's easily cured, given time, my doctor told me that essentially my condition was largely caused by --and massively exacerbated by-- working too hard. I am therefore now violently anti-work, which makes it a bit tricky to write a column for a site committed largely to organising your work schedule. I guess you could say my heart's not really into it. However, Doug Johnston keeps telling me that this site is about more than work. It is also, he says about dream journaling, script-writing and all kinds of creative activities. So, in that spirit, I offer my guide to constructing a Do It Yourself Enemies List.

The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Hobbits

My picture nameGreetings and welcome to Steve's Paper-Based Planning Column Of Joy, formerly Steve's Weekly Column of Sensible Paper-Based Planning, formerly Steve's Paper-Based Planning Column Of Insanity, formerly Slick Leon's Fun With Data (New Jersey Street Edition), formerly an online ad for Big Vladamir's Discount Online House Of Classic Soviet Typewriters ("Come for the quality, stay for the kitsch").

This week, well, let's just say I've had a revelation. Doug Johnston, chief cook and template wrangler 'round these here parts, asked for suggestions for Ver 3 of his Hipster PDA Planner ("The hippest thing in paper-based planning since Gutenberg got leather pants") and I gave him a suggestion. A good one. One that made sense. People don't seem to be able to deal with it. There's talk that I may have been abducted. There's talk that I may be an alien. Well, let me tell you, people, I've turned a corner and everyone can just deal with it. I've realised that I've been wasting my life writing silly columns and I've come to understand the joy inherent in giving good, solid advice. So, with that in mind, I present to you a review of a planning system so hallowed, so proven through the ages and yet so underappreciated that it must be seen, must be acknowledged, and must be understood. Most people consider Steven Covey's The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People to be one of the most influential works on paper-based planning and productivity, and while this book is insanely popular and extremely influential, what is not known is that it is, in fact, largely an adaptation of an older, far more ancient book, the subject of my column today: that most seminal work of paper-based planning written by that most famoustist of hobbits, Mr. Frodo Baggins, namely, A Halfling's Guide To How To Work Middle Earth Before It Works You: Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Hobbits.

Snappy Comebacks For Any Situation

My picture nameGreetings and welcome once again to Steve's Weekly Column Of Sensible Paper-Based Planning, formerly Steve's Weekly Column Of Insanity. What can I say... we all grow! Okay, let's see what trouble we can get into this week.

Of course, the big news this week is the impending release of the new movie based on J.K. Rowling's phenominally successful book series, Harry Potter And The Enormous Royalty Check. This just goes to show what can be done with a pen and some paper. Rowling was a broke single mother when she wrote the first Harry Potter book, sitting in a cafe with a pad and pen. This just shows, that with some paper-based planning, a lot of elbow grease and some luck, anyone can become the wealthiest woman in Britain. Unless you're a man. That would be a little weird.

Nevertheless, today's topic is one of universal concern: How to come up with the perfect response in any situation. I'm sure everyone can remember a time when they were accosted or accused or otherwise verbally attacked and they didn't think of the perfect comeback until later, when it was too late. Well, never again will this happen, thanks to The new D*I*Y Planner Hipster PDA Supplemental Pack #1. Um, I guess, in retrospect, we should have thought of a cooler name for that. It's kinda anti-climactic. Nevertheless, it's a remarkably versatile package and today I'm going to show you how to use it so you're never caught without an appropriately snappy response again. [Steve, did you even look at the pack? - DJ]